I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
