i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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