His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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