the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
