Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
