she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
