did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
