he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
