Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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