I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
