FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
