yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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