when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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