she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
