I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
