Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
