you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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