I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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