What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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