i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
