How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
