i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
