We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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