Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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