I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
