When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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