the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
