My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
