My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
