Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
