I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
