Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
