I wish I could punch you in the face.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You are a genius and a whore.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
