oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
