my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
