So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
