who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
