dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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