My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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