do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
