Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i drank out of a bidet.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
