have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
