i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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