She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i drank out of a bidet.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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