He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
