i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
