My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
