im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
