I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
