I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
